This is a list of funny Futurama quotes. Any bad language or inapropriate words have been covered with stars.

Professor: I created the box containing your universe.
Parallel Professor: The only thing you created was my fist parallel to your face!

Professor: Why hello Mavis, surprised to see me back?
Lunch Lady: Mavis is dead.
Professor: I expect you'll want to see my Angry Crotchity Grandpa Discount Card.
Lunch Lady: Sir, this card has expired.
Professor: But it's good for a lifetime!
Lunch Lady: Well, yours expired.

Hermes: You didn't even refrigirate it ya spineless lobster!
Zoidberg: YOU had to drag spines into this!

Lazy Eye Lady: I own one share of Planet Kajiggers so I'm entitled to some aswers! Question one, why does no one visit me in my home?
Professor: Because your apartment smells like pollygrip and cat pee!

Bender: Fry, for the first time in my life, I feel like, I've stolen, enough.
Fry: Bender! What's come over you!?
*Fry slaps Bender*
Bender: I'm sorry Fry I don't know what came over me. I love stealin', I love takin' things!'

Environmentalist: Seems like the dark matter is acting like nature's *** drug. The penguins have been layin' eggs every forty-eight hours!
*Crowd Gasps*
Environmentalist: Also the eggs hatch in only twelve hours!
*Crowd Gasps*
Environmentalist: Also the males have been layin' eggs!
*Crowd Gasps, man faints*
Random Guy: This man is over-gasped!

*Flowers at Bender's fake funeral fall into the Professor's hands*
Amy: I know who's funeral we'll be atttending next!
Professor: Oh stop...
*Professor Blushes*

Shady Man: Hey, you, want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap, ready for transplant.
Fry: Hey, what's this?
Shady Man: Ah, this is X-ray eye. See through anything.
Fry: But this says Z-ray.
Shady Man: Z is just as good, infact, is better! Two more than X!
Fry: Hmm, I see how that could be an advantage...
*Leela Pulls him away*

Bender: In the name of all that is good and logical, 10100011000101010 (etc) 001010... 2.

Bender: Bite my red hot glowin' ***. ...Wait a minute... Red hot glowin' ***!!!??